How many chakras does it take to make a system?

Dave: I've had problems with my 6th shaakra. It just won't open. There must be a blockage.

Jani: Are you constipated?

Dave: No. Not that kind of blockage. I mean the energy seems unable to flow.

Jani: What energy?

Dave: You know - Kundalini energy - the serpent power.

Jani: I see. You understand these things do you?

Dave: Of course I do. You know that I hold regular courses for seekers.

Jani: Sorry, it had slipped my mind. Which version do you teach?

Dave: The true version.

Jani: How many cakras do you teach in this system?

Dave: Everyone knows that there are seven shaakras.

Jani: Sorry, I did not mean to betray my ignorance, however if I may point something out...

Dave: Of course, please do, if it is pertinent to my problem.

Jani: I believe it may be very pertinent.
If by "true version" you mean the original version then you are mistaken. There is an 'original' system (Matsyendranatha's transmission) which lists only six cakras. The seven cakra system is believed to be a later interpolation, as are the nine, twelve and twenty seven cakra systems. Now... which 'true' system do you 'teach'?

Dave: The one I read about.

Jani: And which one is that?

Dave: I have no idea. It just seemed to make sense.

Jani: Often, when we join the 'new age' dots, things seem to make sense [pretty patterns], don't they!

My guru has had a face lift

James: My guru has had a face lift.

Jani: A face lift? What for?

James: I believe it is so that the appearance appears younger and more appealing to existing and prospective disciples.

Jani: Ah! I see. Appearances are so important for one who puts themselves in the public eye.

James: I thought you would be annoyed.

Jani: Annoyed? Why would I be annoyed that your guru has had a face lift?

James: I just assumed that you would point out the absurdity of an advaita guru who is besotted with physical appearance to the point that they would spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery in order to perpetuate their guru-ness.

Jani: Why would I point that out? It is self apparent, as your last statement makes perfectly clear.

James: Yes. You are right. I won't go back.

Jani: Oh! That is a shame. You've invested so much going to the satsangs.

James: Life is a learning curve.

Jani: And... before you know it you are back where you started. [laughter]

Conceptual red herring

I read a blog entry today which harped on and on and on and on about dead gurus and how those who followed such long gone doggone dead ones were doing so because it was a safe option. Now it would appear that this chappy reckons that this is a recipe for disaster and will "preserve the sense of separation and feed fixation." Now the question begs - who is more attached to the body and the physical form - one who reads the teachings of a teacher devoid of the material trappings or the one who craves contact and resonance with a 'living' guru who can be terrifying and compassionate while knitting you a cosy hat with a wooly bobble on the top or the one who brings up this rubbish while trying to peddle his "meditation" course ?
... also begging, the age old chestnut who cares?

The entire piece is full of balogna sausage and conceptual red herrings.